"It takes time to language a speak ..."

While responding to a comment on my Fearless Feeders post, I was reflecting on my nursing relationship with my son, and how lucky we've been during this wonderful journey together. I was lucky not to suffer from any soreness, cracking, bleeding, or supply issues. My son had a perfect, textbook latch from Day 1. However, it didn't come natural to me. I had to learn how to help him. It wasn't until the Lactation Consultant gave me the tools I needed to succeed and I was able to practice them with my son that everything came together. And that took time.

• I remember the days (and the nights) when he would eat every two hours for an hour at a time. And by every two hours, I mean two hours from the time he started the nursing session. So, for example, he would start at 2am, finish at 3am, and then be up again by 4am, if I was lucky!
• I remember when he struggled to get used to my powerful letdown and would choke on the milk.
• I remember when he went through his 10 day and 6 week growth spurts and literally lived at my breast for 24 hours.
• I remember when he would have a great nursing session, only to spit most of it back up as soon as he was vertical. 
• And I also remember when, after taking the occasional bottle of EBM, he vehemently refused to have anything to do with an artificial nipple. I finally had some luck with the Mimijumi bottle, but to this day he has only taken 4oz of EBM on three separate occasions. The rest of the time, he drinks about an ounce, fights with the bottle, and then plays with it. Whatever. He prefers the real thing. Who can blame him?

I think things finally levelled out around 4 months, and we've been going strong ever since. 

There's a lovely video by First 6 weeks that likens breastfeeding to learning a new language:

Pretty spot on, I think.

Fearless Feeders

In my previous post, I mentioned The Leaky B@@b, a Facebook group that offers support to breastfeeding moms. True to its tongue-in-cheek name, it really is a place of overwhelming support and acceptance where there are no holds barred. Tonight, however, one of its new members complained that her daughter, an exclusive pumper, was bullied on the site:

"I can assure you I have seen [the bullying] and so has my daughter. I brought her to this site to help her and encourage her. She was at a point when she was pumping pure blood and had to stop. Someone actually told her that she should get someone else to breastfeed her baby since she did not have the talent. That was on this site. It was 1 person but she felt like such a failure."

The complaint and follow up explanation brought the site to a screeching halt, as various members either expressed disbelief or offered their apologies on behalf of an unknown offender. When I was a member of the group before its multiple suspensions, there were approximately 4,800 Leakies in attendance. Now, the page has swelled to over 11,000 members, and the page owner has had to call in the reserves to try and administer the page and ensure that such bullying does not take place. 


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Just yesterday, I was skimming through various parenting blogs when I came across Fearless Formula Feeder. The Blog is maintained by a "Mom and 'factivist'" who claims to be "standing up for formula feeders, without being a boob about it." I read through some of the submissions by moms who formula feed their children, and my heart broke for them. They felt as if they were looked down upon by breastfeeders for giving their children artificial nutrition. And I have to agree with them: there are many self-professed "lactivists" out there who, rather than celebrate breastfeeding, waste their time berating women who couldn't breastfeed, or who simply chose not to breastfeed.

Not cool. As someone very wise once said, "You have to feed your child." (That goes nicely hand-in-hand with my other parenting mantra, "You do what you have to do.")

I have never bullied a fellow mom for how she chooses to feed her child. So long as you're not spoon feeding your kid mashed up McNuggets, I've got your back. But I do post a lot of links to pro-breastfeeding articles and news items on my Facebook and sometimes wonder if I am alienating those moms on my friends list who didn't or couldn't breastfeed. I hope I'm not. Unlike the haters above, I don't publicly humiliate non-breastfeeders. But I do celebrate breastfeeding, I do promote it, and I do (in my own way) fight for it.

Fight for it, you say?

Yes. According to a 2006 joint position paper, Newfoundland and Labrador has the lowest initiation rate, and only 11% of infants are still exclusively breastfed by 6 months. Why? It ain't easy to breastfeed, folks. Here are a few reasons:

1. There is nothing natural about it.
2. Not everyone gets the support they need, from either their healthcare team or their family & friends (especially in NL, where our healthcare system is severely behind the times).
3. It can be difficult to get up the courage to do it when you're out and about, and not every baby will take a bottle of expressed breast milk (and you may not always have one at the ready).

I could write a post about each reason (and may just do so at a later date), but reason #3 is the one that gets me worked up the most, because even if a woman was confident about nursing in public, she may not be able to. Women worldwide are being ridiculed, ostracized, and abused for nursing their babies in public. They are being asked to leave restaurants, are being kicked out of shopping centres, and are made to feel like criminals, all for trying to feed their children. Essentially, breastfeeding moms, and the act of breastfeeding itself, is being labelled obscene. When was the last time a formula feeding mom was leered at for feeding her child in the middle of the park? Or told to go feed her child in the public washroom at the mall?

Fearless formula feeders, I salute you. All I ask is that you realize where we breastfeeding moms are coming from, and understand that when we band together and celebrate, we are not doing so to attack you. We are simply looking for strength in numbers, whether virtual or real, when we venture outdoors into the public world with our (apt to be hungry) little ones.

Next time you see a breastfeeding mom nursing her child on the bench in the mall, give her a little smile. Your mother-to-mother support, well hidden amongst all the leers and jeers she received, might just be the push she needs to continue feeding her child the way she has chosen to do so.

A Purpose

I haven't written since my first post because I was trying to decide on what exactly to write. I've been reading so many fantastic blog entries lately on why Facebook needs to allow breastfeeding pictures, why we moms need to stick together, and why babies aren't soldiers. Most of my online time has been spent trying to spread the word about the fantastic support over at The Leaky B@@b amid the controversy regarding the suspensions of their Facebook account yesterday and today. I have so many thoughts rumbling aroud in my head as to how I can make this Blog a worthwhile read amongst all the other fantastic voices out there.

A portion of the Soft Laundry post is my muse for tonight. The blogger writes:

It seems to me that we women are crippling ourselves and missing out on some rich opportunities by insisting that each of us as an individual must possess a complete Holy Grail of All That Is Womanhood.

Immediately upon reading this passage, I had my seed for a post.

I think there's more to the way in which we mothers are crippling ourselves. We truly have "become so sensitive and divided" that we are constantly in fear of being judged. Our parenting styles, if they are not "textbook," are hidden. And so I have decided to come clean.

My name is Lisa, and I follow Attachment Parenting. While there are many definitions (and it sometimes follows the more user-friendly title of "Peaceful Parenting"), Attachment Parenting generally consists of the following principles:

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
2. Feed with Love and Respect
3. Respond with Sensitivity
4. Use Nurturing Touch
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

I bed-share. Not just with my husband, but with my 10 month old son. He no longer has a "nursery" where he is expected to sleep. In fact, Daddy's computer and desk have been occupying that room since late November. My son's crib was moved into our room as a last ditch effort to get him to sleep where he "should" sleep, but it's now an expensive clothes hamper/storage unit/sometimes play area. We recently purchased a bed rail that fits our Queen size pillow-top mattress, and the bed was moved from the middle of the room to the corner so one side is against the wall. When my son goes to sleep at night, he is placed in the middle of our bed without a whimper or a sound. There are no pillows around him, and he is safe and secure. And when it is time for my husband and I to turn in, we lie on either side of him, breathe in his sweet scent, and all of us have a wonderful night's sleep. Don't worry. I'm told he won't still sleep with me when he's 18. Which is fine -- he probably won't smell so good, then.

I am practicing baby-led weaning. My son has had solids, but I have no intention of weaning him from breast milk any time soon. And while we're at it, I might as well tell you that my son does not use a pacifier. I am his source of comfort and security when needed. He will take a few ounces of expressed breast milk (EBM) from a bottle if hard pressed, but at the moment, bottle-feeding is hardly necessary and therefore is not a concern. When I head back to work, he will take either a bottle or a sippy-cup of EBM. My son is not stupid. He will not starve himself.

I respond to my son's cues. I don't give in to his every whine. I am his mother -- I can tell the difference between his cries. I know when he is hungry, when he is in pain, when he's frustrated, and when he needs comfort. But I do let him know that I will answer when he cries out to me, and act accordingly. Is he spoiled? Hardly! Does he feel secure? I hope so.

I refuse to allow my baby to cry it out. Parents are often asked if their babies are sleeping through the night yet. First off, what business is it of the asker? And secondly, why is this, of ALL things, deemed the indicator of successful parenting? Did you know that there are actually reasons why we should not want our babies to sleep through the night (and good reasons as to why they may not be)? In any case, "crying it out" (CIO) is often purported to be the way to get your child to sleep through the night. And yes, it often works. But I don't support the reasons why it works, nor do I want to put my child through this unnecessary form of torture. Why am I against CIO? This blog post sums it up rather nicely.

Again, don't fret on my behalf. I'm also told that someday, I won't be able to get my kid out of bed for anything. Until then, I'm going to snuggle up next to his warm little body and bid you all a good night!